Recognized!

It’s just weird how small thing in otherwise boring day gives you so much of happiness that you want to grab your pen and write about it (in my case keyboard). No I haven’t got a promotion or a wonderful appraisal but I am overjoyed with the fact that my name appears automatically when you search on Google. Not a big deal! I know but still I love every bit of it.

“Recognition”! Perhaps is one thing we fight for every single day of our lives, right from the moment we are born till we take our last breath. Leading an invisible life at a work place or at home is very sad. You tend to start finding fault within yourself and become cynical of things around you.

When you come to office every single day of the week and find yourself sitting alone with almost no work you regret it. What adds to your pain is the fact that people are least bothered whether you are coming or not. Fighting this is not as easy as it looks because you simply can’t approach people and tell them about yourself just as when we were in school we used to often write an essay on “Myself” probably an act to know one self better. There are HR people who would try to have a common even where you participate and get to know others. These events are held once a while and the scale varies from time to time.

You sit in the corner and glare at your workstation wondering when you would get a chance to have your say in this new place. That’s why whenever we leave one place and go to another we tend to feel that the place where we were previously working or living is far better. But then there was a time when you were new there as well. This “invisible” status takes time sometimes it takes days and sometimes it takes months to establish oneself. Amazingly, this feeling remains same whenever you begin something just like the first day of school/college/office even change of office etc.

At times I envy people who stay at home and their lives revolve around the house without the headache of coming to the office. They can do things at their own convenience and get a lot of “Me” time where you can do things you would enjoy like reading your favorite love story or watching a movie. But then when I see my friends who are staying at home I see frustration in them as well, as they find themselves with no work once husband goes to office till he comes back. It’s not that all of them are unhappy because there are some friends who are very happy to stay at home and lead a peaceful life.

Coming back to me, I am still figuring out what I want to be in life ahead. Believe me there are times when I feel that I can write a daily soap and work with Ekta kapoor so that the standard of serials improves.

At this moment I am working on something which could be something I would enjoy at some point of time as it’s mostly based on “Cloud Computing”.

Let’s see! Till than I am in “invisible status” at office.

It's been a while..

It's been a while..
Since I sat to put in..
Some thoughts that pass..
From one ear to the other..

Why?I just wondered!
Could it be the change of city..
Or the job which got hectic..
Taking most of my time..

Even then I did have time..
which is often occupied..
with love.&.family..
living at a distance...

'Distance' is an amazing thing..
In maths it is..
distance multiplied by the time..
but in real ..it's not the same.

More the distance..more is the time..
which is needed to cover..
with each passing momment..
which changes from a day to days..

but then when you are at home..
you feel not the same..
as you want to move out and live..
a life which looks better being away..

You get more freedom..
you get to decide more..
you get to choose whatever you want..
with your money in your pocket..

Inspite of all this..
there is a time when you wish...
it would have been better..if..
you stayed at home..

Home..which has its own ..
problems, tensions..fights..
at times water,at times electricity..
at times weather or even people..

whatever it may be..
it would always be the place..
which would have people to love..
and embrace you just the way you are!


By,
Tulika Jyoti Vardhan

Alone on a week end!

Almost on every week end,
I stay at my place,
Till the weekends,
With little or no work kept...

How the time passes,
What exactly I do,
Simply browse,
Or a call takes away the day.

Move out and see the world,
Many say to me ,
But somehow I find myself,
Alone with no one to go around..

From cleaning my clothes,
To fighting with the cook,
Crying for food,
To drying clothes on a hook..

My days meander around,
Petty tasks like these,
Yet I feel no desire,
To go out and see..

Could be lazy,
Could be sceptical,
Could be missing,
Some people I dearly love.

In an unknown city,
With an unknown language,
How much one can do,
With few number of friends..

But I do keep up with my days,
Waiting patiently,
When I will have the time to see all,
With someone I dearly Love!


By,
Tulika jyoti vardhan

Work ...And Process

I often sit and wonder..
With no work in hands,
When manager comes and says..
Just wait for few more days..

Do what? Till..Then..
Well!..Sit..Browse..
Or. Whatever you feel..
Do it at your own will..

But! It’s difficult to say..
What others feel..
When you simply sit..
With no work at bay!

They must lament..
If not comment...
Lucky girl...for whom
No work kept..

As you get up early..
Simply to go home..
You feel awkward.
If not Bad..

You see your peers..
Working with eyes on screen..
Yet for you there's none..
Of such sight to be seen...


Than comes HR..
To ask what u did..
You get up to say..
Something when it’s nothing much..


You simply wait...
Wait...and wait...
For nothing else...
But work & process to begin!


By
Tulika Jyoti Vardhan

Tears

Some times for no reasons..
Sometimes for endless..
It tickles down...
Through the cheeks....

When Its hurt by..
Someone's harsh words...
Some broken dreams...
Or may be just a memory..

Or perhaps..
When you cant justify..
What you feel..
Exactly the way you feel it..

It might be worth a million..
OR could not be there as well..
It might be for someone..
Or none at all..

It could be soaked...
On the pores of pillow..
Or it could be covered..
By arms you trust..

It could be endless...
Continuing with nights...
Or it could be a moment..
When you feel..it..

Yet in those moments...
You feel lonely...
And desire..someone...
Who understand your language..

A language of care...
A language or trust..
A language of importance..
And of love.!

This is a Work of Fiction and bears no resemblance to people dead or alive!

Since last few days he has been wondering what is work? What is the reason why he goes to office everyday and spends minimum 8 hours working on things that he may or may not like? Yet he finds that certain things hurt, but he cannot do much about it. Is it just the salary which makes him slog everyday or is it something which is still beyond those numbers. Why he listens to so many harsh words thrown at him in office is very difficult to say. His office is really a state of art architecture yet he finds it empty. He has numerous people who come and go. For him there is none. He sits muddled between appraisals, promotions or job change.

Is it just money?To certain extent he says yes, because for some reasons he feels the comfort of money which makes him independent.The fact that he can visit the market to buy anything of his choice or get hold of any item that’s what makes him feel a high.

Yet, when he goes to bed and tries to sleep he realizes that his skills have not been utilized well. This hurts the most because in his heart he knows that he can do much better but for some reasons his expertise is not needed. Than after sometime what the poor person does is just give up utilizing the left or right side of grey cells and listens to all and eventually does nothing. Result a mediocre product. And some grumble that they are not getting good people to work with!

He knows what’s worse is that every time he made up his mind and decides to quit something or the other pulls him back. And then a whole group of people who say that problems exists everywhere, or he is just taking too much of load. Is it? Or what will he do when he faces the same problem elsewhere. Then there is this group of people who cares for him and they would ask him to wait for the moment. He is waiting................

Honestly it’s not others who matter it’s your own ego that makes it difficult to digest. So I don’t go by his example but do it my way the best I know. Recently I read a book “Tuesday’s with Morrie” where the Professor talks about a way by which we must distance our self from any situation feel it and then let it go. Well I guess reading is one habit that helps me in rejuvenating myself and it is amazing how you relate yourself to words given by someone else’s Pen but apart from this I admit I have wonderful friends which I have made over the years who help me by just listening to what I say. There are some with whom I talk everyday and we just share every good or bad things related to life. Which is more valuable than anything and I am earnestly grateful to all of them. That’s good enough? I know I do some work for people and don’t charge them anything at least now because they manage to give me a satisfaction which money cannot ever provide. Moreover its heartfelt work and I know the day I ask them money they would never deny it.

From writing tag lines, to testing, to simply go and check as in what could be the problem or if nothing else its merely searching relevant things from net and providing solutions. On top of it writing or shall we say making presentations or how one can promote stuffs online for free. I do whatever I feel I can help with.

More than this I never realized that writing is also a stress busting exercise which I really enjoy the most. I know for sure this is one thing I will do sooner or later. May be I am just collecting materials and then would compile it eventually. Of course, it would be fiction absolutely no resemblance to any person dead or alive. (TYPICAL)!

Waiting For Godot...!

I have read somewhere that a book finds its readers through some cosmic force. Recently it came true when I bumped into this play which was written in the year 1948. But what amazed me that even today it is a relevant story.

It’s a story or rather a play about two characters waiting for this unknown person GODOT who is not god by the way. Neither is he anyone remotely related to any super power. The entire screenplay revolves around this waiting although a couple of characters join them but they just come and go.

Perhaps the beauty of a story is that when a reader is forced to think and derive one’s own message. To put it in a better way one is able to customize it as per the taste and preference. I even read some analysis and was surprised to see that all those unanswered questions that popped in my mind where answered by some critics of yester years. Some related it to cold war, some thought it was GOD who is godot. Don’t know what exactly is true but as per the author Godot is not God because had it been the case he would have said that. I guess god only knows.

This is the second time when I felt that there has to be something more to this. Last time when I felt like this was when I read Love Story by Eric Seagal and this book made me cry for days. Even today I cry when I recall Jenny.

Coming back to this play, my first impression of this play was the word “wait” and somehow I felt even in my case everything revolves around this incessant waiting. I have no clues about others but I feel that I wait for almost everything in my life. When I was in school I waited for classes to end so I could go home and get rid of teachers who always did one thing that is teaching and play was something for which you had to be eligible for. Waited for results, if results wasn’t as expected waited for next term and then the next.

Even today things have not change, we seem to wait for everything, be it love, marriage, job, economy to go up, election and if nothing else we await changing of time. But when someone will ask me what was it I did just before yesterday I will take time in replying and would not have a spontaneous answer. Some of us even wait for serials.

But then when we sit down and feel what is passing by is time. This flies faster than the speed of light. It seems just yesterday when I was in college, where I used to bunk class, relied on friends for Proxy and preferred to stay in hostel where I either read or slept if nothing else was there. And I vividly remember that was the time when I was actually waiting to be out of college and breathe some air of freedom. Without realizing that this hostel life will never come again.

All this makes me wonder what time is good time? Or is there anything called good times? Is there? Or is it just an illusion. What is the purpose of this waiting business? What happens if what we are waiting for doesn’t turn up exactly the way we expect? Actually I know the answer of later question we do nothing but crib for some time and shift our focus conveniently to the next thing which is on the waiting list.

A list that is endless, a list which is edited/formatted from time to time, yet, there isn’t a moment when all is synchronized and we get what we waited for. To top it all we try and amuse ourselves with various activities like listening to music, reading or watching a movie to pass time.
Time as they say just like tide wait for no one. It will never wait for you so that you could steal a nano second from it. It has never happened and I guess until something dramatic happens time will never ever wait for us and I honestly don’t see a remotest possibility of this. Because time is incredibly selfless entity, zero association with any living things and it has no life and death cycle. More than anything else it has no work, no responsibilities and absolutely no addiction. If time stops I guess that’s the time when you need to either change the battery or repair the watch or simply buy a new one.

Does it ever stop? Don’t know much about this as I have no clue about the Greenwich Mean Time whether it stops twice a year or not. And even it does stop I know for sure that it won’t change anything related to time. You know what becomes worst is that we seldom feel the joy of good time but the pain and sadness of a bad moment or a bad statement said by anyone lingers through mind. All the space that should be dedicated in thinking about the self and do things to improve the situation goes in waiting for the TIME when we will take the revenge.

Never ignore little thing in life. That was a key message from the play simply because it is these little things that are most important and it is these little things that makes a life worth living and FUN. One thing that I have learnt from this is to just keep walking and don’t lay too much hope on future as it is uncertain and past because it can’t be done away with.

Live in Present as it is actually a gift from god and that too without cribbing. IT is of course easier said than done. But I will definitely try for sure.

And yes will try not to wait for this GODOT!

By,
Tulika Jyoti Vardhan